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Posts Tagged ‘siblings’

As a parent of a special needs child, you know that much of your time and focus is directed towards that child.  It is simply a fact of life.  Depending on the level of disability, they need more of your attention than other children who are not disabled.  When you have other children, is it critical to make an effort to single out the sibling(s) so they do not feel left out.  Let’s face facts.  A special needs child gets a lot more attention at home, at therapies, and other areas.  To a sibling, the therapies can often look like fun.  The games and activities done in occupational and physical therapies can appear to be a play time.  Pookie gets to use the swings, trampoline, play games, and do art projects as a part of the sessions.  To Little Miss, this looks like fun that she is left out of.  At home, Pookie’s homeschool lessons are more fun looking than doing math workbooks or other written assignments.  This can also be frustrating and seem unfair to Little Miss at times.

She knows that Pookie’s brain and body works differently than her’s, but it still bothers her some days.  On some levels, she simply has to accept that he is different and has very different needs than she does.    On the other hand, if I were to point out all the things that she can do that her brother can’t, she wouldn’t take a lot of comfort from it.  She is still young enough to feel sad that he gets to do more fun stuff.  So, how do I address the issue?

First, I make a point to have private time set aside each day that we can do something together without Pookie being involved.  She needs the one on one time just as much as Pookie does.  We do crafts together that are of special interest to her.  One day, we spent an hour just making cards with rubber stamps and watercolor paints.  Other favorite activities are baking, playing music and being silly together, planting flower seeds for a special garden of her own, or simply doing each other’s hair and nails.  Whatever the activity, it is “our” time.  Pookie is usually watching a movie on his tablet or looking at his books during that time.  Some nights, she stays up an extra hour so we can have that quiet time together.

One night after the kids were in bed, I made Little Miss a heart map.  In the center of a large heart, I wrote her name.  All around the heart, I drew the quote boxes.  In each box, unlisted a trait of her’s that I loved and admired.  I then colored the patchwork of sections with colored pencils.  I placed the finished heart map on her desk.  The following morning, she found it as she got ready to begin her homeschool lessons.  She read through the heart map and got teary eyed.  After giving me a big hug, she hung it up on her bedroom wall.  Such a simple thing, but it meant so much to her.

I love our “Momma-Daughter” times.  We value those moments and look forward to them each day.  It gives us time to connect.  It is also reinforcing in her that she is highly valued.  She is much more than the sister of a special needs child.  She is a precious blessing and much loved by us.  She is values for the person she is. 

There may always be a moment when she feels like she has to take the backseat to her brother, but she knows that her time alone with me is set and valued.  It is a priority that I have with her. 

Because of the focused time we have together, our relationship is strong and continues to grow.  She is confident in her role in our family.  She knows her value and is becoming a strong little lady secure in the knowledge that she is precious to us.

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